Off the Beaten and Bloodied Path

Happy Halloween everyone! I hope you are enjoying it. If you are in Philly, I know you are. Soo many riots. Makes me nostaligic for the good ol' race riots of the sixties, eh?

Anyways, here are seven good movies to watch on Halloween night that stray a bit from the usual and more obvious films such as "Halloween" or "Nightmare on Elm Street" which are still classics none the less.

In no particular order, my suggestions for Halloween hedonism pregamery:

1. What ever Happened to Baby Jane?

While much of the horror lies in Bette Davis' face in this movie, the storyline is full of tension and just general creepiness. The plot tells the story of a former child star who quickly faded out of the public eye "taking care" of invalid sister who's brilliant career was cut short by an automobile accident that happened under curious circumstances. Quotable dialogue is croaked out by Davis while she tortures ( and basically acts out her real life hate towards ) Joan Crawford. Memorable highlights include rats, birds, gin, Bette Davis upskirt, etc. This "psycho-biddie" film teeters on camp but still remains more of a unnerving style of creepiness.

2. Rocky Horror Picture Show

Speaking of camp, RHPS is the King-dressed-as-a-queen of camp and cult cinema. Created as a spoof of science fiction films of the fifties, Rocky Horror has amassed a following of fans who act out the movie while it is being projected, usually at midnight shows. This is a good silly movie to get you in the mood for a fun evening but probably not good if you prefer movies that conform to what is comfortable for you to understand.

3. Freaks

Even if you do not watch this for Halloween tonight, GO see this at sometime in your life. Filmed in 1932, Freaks tells the story of love, friendship, and deception in the world of the circus. The film is highly notable for its use of real "circus" freaks that were popular and touring the country during the time of filming. This film quickly turns into a horror film at the end in the vein of German expressionism that was going on in (surprise) Germany at the time. If physical deformities make you a bit queasy, I suggest not eating candy before or after watching this film.

4. Sunset Boulevard

This film-noir gemstone is all sorts of crazy. The Gothic setting and general atmosphere of the film sets the unsettling tone for this tale of an aging silent film star. Sunset Boulevard can be seen as a precursor ( and far superior ) to "What ever Happened to Baby Jane?" and other films that explored the underbelly and effects of Hollywood. Enjoy Norma Desmond's decaying mind in a decaying mansion!

5. A Clockwork Orange

Science-fiction, futuristic Russian slang, ultra-violence, murders via phallic sculpture, iconic costumery, Kubrick etc. etc. I'm sure most of you have seen "A Clockwork Orange" but I'm putting it on this list as I am going as Alex for Halloween tonight ( again, for my 300th time ).

6. Oni-Baba

I saw this movie freshman year at a Temple sponsored event. This black and white Japanese film is a bit slow but the cinematography is beautiful. The story is interesting to boot and this is a good example of how awesome Japan is at creating horror through mood and story rather than sudden noises and "jumpy" moments. Also, I felt compelled to put at least one Japanese film on this list.

7. Blue Velvet

In accordance with my love of Twin Peaks ( and since there's not enough time to watch every episode on Halloween night ) I opted to put his famous "Blue Velvet" on this list. Again, this film is filled with disturbing scenes, dismembered body parts, and the dark underbelly of America suburbia ( no, I'm not talking about you suicide-inducer Lori Drew! ). This movie also features a pre-Green Porno Isabella Rossellini, pre-Jurassic Park Laura Dern, and a pre-pubescent pre-Twin Peaks Kyle Maclachlan.

Happy Halloween! Hope you have a good one. Also, be thankful you are not at Temple University Japan campus as all the anime-nerds, manga-weirdoes, and general otakus have opted to dress up in Kimonos ( so awkward when they are white ) and of course, as their favorite anime / manga / pokemon characters. Ugh!

L'Orange Mechanique

Oh oh oh I love these.

Photos by Max Vadukul.

Animal Free Celebrity

While watching a certain morning television program, I discovered that a childhood memory personality turned out to be a VEGAN. Her name is Jackie and she is the co-host on Howard Stern. Sounds like a strange childhood personality, but its mainly because my mom listened to that radio program when she drove me to the school.

That revelation sparked me to go on the internet (Wikipedia) and find out other famous vegans. I was surprised by the amount of famous people and decided to post some of my personal favorite highlights.

Oh also, let it be known that I try to distance myself from the zanies over at PeTA. I do not like their advertising methods and various other ways of getting their crazy animals-before-humans agenda out there.

The best way to practice veganism is to make jokes. Right!?

Here it go:

Zaniest Vegan: Daryl Hannah.
The first person may not be that much of a surprise to you if you know ANY info about Daryl Hannah. She is super crazy about the environment (chaining herself to a tree) and is also alll about the animals. I've selected her character Elle Driver and matched it with her secret agent name, California Mountain Snake. Hi-yo! Prettiest one-eyed vegan this side of the Yellow River.

Vegan that I Don't Really Know Why I Included On This List: Tobey Maguire, aka Spiderman.
Not much to say about him as it was just something I did not know before. He fits the 'Conor-Oberst-esque' mold/mould. Spiders / tarantulas love him.

Greatest Childhood Icon Vegan: Dav Pilkey.
I could not find any awesome photos of Dav Pilkey, so I used his books. Remember how fun they were?! Captain Underpants with those flippy things, the dog being all cute, the Dumb Bunnies doing silly things. Oh goodness. Brought joy to my first and second grade years. How neat!

Best Father/Daughter Vegans: Paul and Stella McCartney.
Paul's music and veganism make up for that horrible mistake he made with that cunt Heather Mills. Also, Stella designs vegan shoes for animal and couture lovers. Once she even did a thing for H&M that sold out within two hours. BFFs with Paltrow. Featured with them is an English Fox. Uh-dorable.

Weirdest/Curliest Vegan: Weird Al.

This just goes to prove that Weird Al is the nicest guy in showbiz. I wish his show was still on television. I also wish 'Muppet Babies' was still on as well. Sighhh.

Biggest Vegan Shocker: Shania Twain!
When you think country music and country music stars, you usually think the South, annoyance, and BBQs. But not for this Southern Belle! I paired her with a jackalope (those are still funny in the South right??). ***Edit: Because I rarely fact-check anything I write up, it turns out Shania Twain is not from the South at all but from the North, the wayyy North (Canada). So it is not as big as a shocker that she is vegan but still, a vegan country singer?? Sounds pretty nuts to me. I should put up a moose instead, but seriously, when is the last time someone referenced a jackalope? Exactly.***

Humblest Vegan: Lacie.
Now, I may bring up or talk about veganism four or five times day but with this little lady, you would hardly even know! She's always been passionate about animals and is majoring in zoology (I donno, I stopped askng my friend's majors after the first week of school. I have no idea what anyone is doing). Whether killing nurturing fish or playing with kitties, Lacie is the epitome of compassion. In fact, the first time I ever hung out with Lacie was a wake (lunch in J&H) followed by a funeral for her fish. It was magical.

Most Royal Vegan: Princess Diana.
Psych! But couldn't you see yourself reading that and being surprised for a minute and then saying to yourself "Oh, I could see that. It makes sense".

Since I like to think of "No Nasties" as (for the most part) free of bias and drama, I will present the other side of dietary lifestyles and showcase some famous non-vegans:

An old vampire that lives off the blood of younger, prettier victims. Unfortunately, Dina Lohan didn't make it into the picture, but the same can be said about Karl Lagerfeld.

An overrated, dead drug addict.

Emperor Caligula, Drusilla, and some other guy. Roman orgies are notoriously not vegan.

$$$

Unfortunately he hung out at the Korova MILK bar and not the Korova SOY MILK Bar.

Some lady brought all sorts of food the other day and Shepherd had a field day.

I do not think veganism was an accepted practice during the Northern Renaissance 1400-1600.

Rosie may have been HXC about veganism and women's lib while she studied at Smith and/or Wellesley, but this butch has given that shizz up and is all about BBQs and fondue ragers.

I hope you learned something today because I did not. It was Spring Fling and my classes were canceled. People passed out ALL over the place.

Classical Movie Trailer Parks

Don't let VH1 or the Save the Music Foundation fool you. Nobody listens to classical music anymore. I also sincerely doubt anyone can even play a classical musical instrumental instrument either. The public education system uses all those funds they receive from that "organization" to fund other things like... I don't know, HPV vaccinations and field hockey fields to keep their names in the paper.

High School bands?
Alicia Keys?
Violin solo talent shows?

Lies.

But do not worry.

A small, noble organization has taken upon itself to use classical music in an interesting way.

Yes, from the people who gave us 'Saving Private Ryan' and eating disorders, Hollywood has taken the symphonies and requiems and applied them to high-quality cinematic trailers.

Here are some highlights:

Elephant



Ah 'Elephant'. Better known as '81 Minutes of Walking Around a School'. The trailer features the well-known classical piece 'Fur Elise'. The troubled Columbine-esque antagonist plays this piece throughout the movie. I believe, much like 120 Days of Sodom or Mein Kampf, this movie gets flagged with the government when you rent it or something. So... be careful. Big Blockbuster is watching (what you rent).

Funny Games



The film snobs are up in arms about this movie! It's a shot by shot remake by the director of the original Austrian film 'Funny Games'. Fans do not know whether to hate it or love it. Either way, they will probably still assert that "they liked the original better when they saw it TEN YEARS AGO". I do not have an opinion since I have not seen the original. Props to Claire for being able to identify the song from the trailer. My favorite part is around 1:42 when the boy makes a silly face and the Michael Pitt makes a bang sound. When I saw this trailer in the theater I, like most other film fans, noticed the similarities to another movie favorite of mine. See if you can figure it out. HINT: It makes this list.

Battle Royale



Everyday that I sit in my Japanese class, this movie is all I think about. I also like to think about how long I would last in Battle Royale. Hopefully we'll never know. The film is set in a futuristic Japan where the kids are bad. So bad in fact, that every year a class is chosen from the country and all the kids are sent to an island where they have to kill each other. Sailor Moon, where are you?! If you're interested, you can watch the full movie here.

A Clockwork Orange



Ahhh yes. Remember when I really liked this movie? Good times. The trailer is great. It has that oh so important style-over-substance aspect. You do not get a nice understanding of the plot but rather a lovely case of the epilepsy.


What do all of these movies have in common? Artsy violence. The BEST kind of gore porn. Leading me to conclude that classical music is bad and should be banned from public schools, not encouraged.

Take a stand.

Keep music (and Beyonce Knowles) out of your children's elementary schools.