Don't Get Me Started About the History of Plaid

Every single item in this photo is spot on.

Photo from Jezebel.

She's Soooo Rock Star

Let me just say that I cannot stand Heidi Montag or her smarmy boyfriend Spencer Pratt, who's name befits him so very much. Also, let me point out that I have never seen "Laguna Beach" or "The Hills". All I know is the basic premise of both shows (rich bitches I don't care about similar to the ones I didn't care about when I was in High School and their lives) and I also know that for whatever reason, Heidi, Spencer, and a slew of other rich kids have been making appearances on talk shows like the View and David Letterman promoting the fact that they do not really do anything.

To throw off their image of just being good-looking and MTV's knowledge that idiots will watch them be pretty and whine, Heidi and the gang decide to do their own wittle projects. Everyone picks the same projects: Acting (they've honed their skills on their reality shows), Music (they own mp3 players), or Fashion (they are able to assemble an outfit out of the clothes featured on a Forever 21 mannequin). No one ever decides to be a Chef (they like the eating / not-eating aspect of food), Painter (sadly, painting skills cannot be acquired on Rodeo Drive), or Veterinarian (Typically no fame / self-promotion involved, but lots of cuddly animals!! awr).

Heidi used her exposure to pursue not only singing (watch out Billie Holiday, I think you may have competition) , but she also decided to delve into FASHION. Finally, someone is bringing their skill of matching black with grey and halter tops with skinny jeans to the fashion world.

It seems I missed her first line (must have been far too underground and cult for me to enjoy) but thankfully I have photos of her NEWEST collection, enjoy!

Precious metals indeed! Nothing says rock star like a big tattooed emblem. I'm going to wear this to the club evurrytime they pay me $1,000+ to be there.

I think she got her line mixed up with Hot Topic's newest arrival.

Trouser jeans must mean they are just the bad parts of trousers put into denim. Also, what are the right details for summer nights? Do they have graham cracker, marshmallow, and choco bar containers to make perfect s'mores?

Won't be able to hide = no fatties. How fun that all you need to do is Febreeze your dress with ugly jewelry and you're ready to go from shopping to drinking to clubbing.

Oh yes, those FREEZING nights in the Hills. Also, if you know me, you know I love me some tight black pants, but blargh at low-rise. I mean, look at the space between her hoodie and jeans, her vagina is practically acting as her belly button there.

Finally, a designer brave enough to make a pintack.

This reminds me of one of those Halloween costumes that's just a slutty version of an occupation. Like this would be... slutty power-lesbian CEO.

Mmm, this is very "Rock of Love" aka 40 year old white trash groupie.

So there you have it. The "Heidiwood" collection. Heidi Montag will have people asking "Hedi Slimane who?"

Just kidding.

American Apparel Backlash Continues

I'm sure you feel it too.

A shift in the lamé, an uneasiness amongst the acid wash, a sort of bandeau relapse.

That's right, we're deep v-neck deep in an American Apparel backlash.

Is it the $$$?

The sleaziness of all their ads?

Or is it the fact that a deep v and a colorful hoodie has become a staple/stock outfit for Philadelphia and most cities?

While you ponder that, look at this cute little video from Current TV.

I especially like the song about t-shirts.

ENJOY.

Pennsylvania Deutsch Wonderland

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ahh the 80's, when father had burly facial hair and auntie wore weird sweaters and acid wash jeans. My favorite holiday is most certainly Thanksgiving. There's nothing I love more than eating a fantastic late lunch with my family. This Thanksgiving was particularly enjoyable since I have not been home since August 23rd. Instead of going to my nana's house for her usual feast, my great-aunt invited us out to Amish Country for dinner at a smörgåsbord. While change and new experiences makes me queasy, I had an overall great time with the family.

Being in Lancaster reignited my love of my prominent Pennsylvania Deutsch and distant Amish background so I thought I'd make that today's theme for food and style!

The best dessert EVER is Shoo Fly Pie ( unless your my mother or nana who prefer another PA deutsch dessert known as 'funny cake' ).
It's basically a layer of molasses and then a coffee-cake type of deal on top of that with a delicious pie crust. If you are ever anywhere near me, ask me to make you one. If you don't know me or are far away, go buy one in Lancaster. If NEITHER of my suggestions appeal to you, simply come back here tomorrow and I might share my (vegan) version of my favorite PA deutsch treat.

As far as style goes, a lot can be learned from our primitive / uncivilized brethren, the Amish. Their clothes are (unsurprisingly) all about simplicity BUT also bold colors. So for something as simple and American as the Amish, look no further than American Apparel for all your Amish-couture!



A solid color collared shirt, black button-up vest and a pair of (almost)black slim slacks will have you raisin' barns til the morning!



November is marriage month for the Amish and you'll be sure to win over every Mr. Smucker and Mr. Ackernecht in the community in this baby blue collared shirt and skirt outfit. What the ankle-revealing skirt lacks in demut ( or humility ), the high-waist and opaque pantyhose make up for it enough so that all Ordnung ( community council ) can agree on!

Now put a little rumspringa in your step with these outfits only the English would wear:



Shiny and unnatural fabrics are forbidden in the Amish community thus a lamé windbreaker and nylon shorts are the perfect way to stick it the conscientious objectors! Wearing a work-shirt on the outside is the pickled cabbage in the chow-chow!



I'm pretty sure there is a passage in the Bible that says women are not allowed to wear men's clothing (take note all you biddies who buy up all the small sizes in the guy's sections of my favorite stores!) so wearing your brother's overalls and a wide necked leotard is a surefire way to go straight to hell in style. I read that the most popular color amongst Amish women is purple. This fancy party dress in purple is not your old memmy's wedding attire! And finally, the brash and boldness of this polo dress looks shunnigly sinful paired with AA's silver cardigan.

So there you have it! All your Amish lusts and desires can be fulfilled (for a price!) at American Apparel.

I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving!