The Great Pantyhose Peril 2008

"Hasselbeck with Child wearing a burka on a bed of pantyhose (requiem)"

I've been getting a couple of hits from people searching for the Pantyhose Controversy that took over the View recently.

Basically this is what happened:

Lizzie and co. were talking about some job required that the women wear pantyhose and everyone 'round the table thought that was absurd. Mostly Sherri and Elisabeth felt that the hose were old fashioned.

Fast-forward to the next day / maybe a few days later I donno ( I don't actually watch it EVURRYDAY ) when Babs comes back to announce that she loves and wears the p-hose todos los dias.

THE END.

Also, my mom says she feels naked if she doesn't wear them to work.

Nanners agrees.

I agree that I need to post less about my mom / nana / the View and more about my WEEKENDZ.

And speaking of weekends, I am heading out again on vacation this weekend soo you will have to deal with automated posting courtesy of Blogger's "scheduled" posting.

Lucky YOU.

Obama Takes Time to Enjoy the View

My favorite presidential hopeful, Barack Obama stopped by my favorite estrogen fest, The View.

Pre-serious talk:

--Barbara Walters chose pantyhose that made her legs look darker than Sherri's exposed legs
--Elisabeth Hasselbeck looked uncomfortable and silent
--Joy called Barbara old

Serious talk:

--Racism chit-chat straight off the bat
--Specifically, Obama talkin' about his preacher
--Elisabeth comes out as a republican?!
--Obama does not purchase every DVD that his church puts out (illegal downloading maybe??)

While watching I came up with a fun drinking game:

Take a sip of coffee (from your brand new spring-edition View mug) every time one of the following happens:

--Obama says 'America'
--Barbara makes an intense concentrating face
--Whoopi says "no child"
--Sherri talks about sex with her ex-husband
--Joy mentions something completely off-topic / something about her Italian heritage
--Elisabeth declares herself Republican (in her defense, she is always immaculately dressed)

During the commercial break, a cute commercial for 'bladder weakness protection pads' came on. Reminds me of a few "close-calls" on the road. Also, a humorous commercial for hot pockets where the one guy's mom says no junk food but he has stocked up his cart with hot pockets. It's okay though because they are made with real cheese and 0g trans fat.

First three things Obama will do as president:

1. Get a meeting together to discuss how to responsibly and honorarily get out of Iraq
2. Put forth legislation that will give every American health care
3. Fix the energy prices

First three things he will probably do:

1. Fix his tie
2. Do that thing where you stand in the center of a newly acquired room (be it dorm, freshly cleaned bedroom, or house) and you put your hands in your pocket, looked around, smile, and breathe deep.
3. Light a Yankee Candle brand candle (Home Sweet Home or Autumn Harvest) to get rid of that Bush smell

More Obama fun:

"Skinny but tough" -- New bumper sticker for Obama (and MySpace headlines for years to come)
--No spouses in the Whitehouse (we're electing A president, not a couple of empty-nesters.

Commercial break where I discovered that Jennifer Galbraith's prediction about genie pants came true:

I bought acid wash, will I invest in these?? Nope. I love tapered pants, but not in soft sweatpant material with an elastic waistband and a weird pooch.

***NEWSFLASH*** Sherri Shepherd has changed her own VIEW and is now voting for Obama. My guess is that Chelsea Clinton will be making a phone call any second.

--Elisabeth handled a jab at John McCain with grace and poise.
--Do I secretly have a strange masochistic crush on Ms. Hasselbeck?

--Sherri said "You gonna be in trouble Barbara!" when Obama mentions getting rid of Bush's tax cuts for the rich

"Barbara Walters: Richer than God? The Life and Times of My Guest Appearances on Everybody Love's Raymond, by Sherri Shepherd"

Joy was uncharacteristically silent... what's up Joy?? Where's that Sicilian sass that makes me laugh, and my nana's eyes roll.

And that was the show!

Marvelous.

Did you enjoy it?

Was it the best episode ever?

Even better than the time Kathy Griffin co-hosted? Or the time Alicia Silverstone snubbed E. HasselB?

How different do you think it would have been if Rosie O'Donnell had been on?

Yeah you're right, probably a lot more gay stuff. Or at least one thing about broadway.

Please direct all comments, love, praises, raves, hate-mail, and tuna melt subs to Star Jones PO Box 42069 Crime TV Ave, New York NY, 19122.

No Nasties: First to blog to blog about Obama's apperance on the View and the genie pants renaissance in the same post.

Something Clever about Odysseus

Departing from my usual jokes and comedy routine known as "No Nasties" daily postings, I would like to share an interesting article about Starbucks and its impending doom.

La Nouvelle Vague de le Cafe.

Which has me torn between my two careers, one as a server at a vegan, fair-trade, local-farm supporting, and organic restaurant where I do not get paid hourly but instead earn my wages by being charming, witty, and helpful to my environmentally and socially conscious patrons AND my other job as a corporate sell-out where I receive $10+ hawking over-priced, high-fructose corn syruped, more-calories-than-you-need-for-one-day espresso-based drinks to a medley of various types of people*.

Also, I suppose being super left of center requires one to be super serious a lot of the time, I cannot help but think that AdBusters could benefit from a few humorous things here and there. I'm just saying! Who do you like more, the comic relief stylings and Italian sass of Joy Behar or the no-nonsense repertoire of Miss. Facts Hasselbeck?

Exactly.

Enjoy!

Life-long liberal (and comedienne) Joy Behar with the original ~*Star Jones*~ taking time to enjoy the view in the Hamptonz.

***Oh and also, do not get me wrong, Starbucks may do some crappy things and embody most bad things about globalization, but it isn't that of a corporation in comparison to some other places (Wal-Mart, le MacDo, Proctor and Gamble, etc.). The pay is well, they take good care of their employees, 80% of our customers are really nice, and they do give (a little) back to the communities like Philly.

Breaking News from the View!!!

Whoppi would like to be rubbed now and then.

Barbara Walters does not have two million dollars to give away, stop asking.

"Little white girl gone missing" is always news-worthy.

And the lady who has taken a photo of basically everyone important, Annie Leibowitz, has taken some Disney photos which I kind of like...

Prince Beckham portraying the Prince from Sleeping Beauty.
The new Diane Keaton (aka Scarlett Johansson) as Cinderella.
That pretty lady from "the Mummy" and "the Mummy Returns" (Rachel Weisz) as some poor girl with an extreme case of photosensitivity.
Gisele Bundchen as Wendy, Tina Fey as Tink, and some guy as Peter Pan. Yay Gisele and Tina!

And now for two awkward ones that I did not like:

Jessica Biel's corpse (courtesy of taxidermy) and a stuffed deer as Pocahontas.
Never letting us forget that she is ehtnic, J. Lo appears in one of her Sunday grocery shopping outfits with her boo-bear as spokespeople for 'Empire Carpet Direct'

And finally, the queen-B herself, Beyonce as a heavily-medicated child:

For one of Disney's zaniest films, this sure is the most boring photo. I'm pretty sure all the Vogue and Nylon spreads have used up every scene in "Alice in Wonderland" already so that's probably the origin of this one. For a better interpretation of Alice, just go watch Gwen Stefani's "What are you Waiting For"

So that's that. Rev. Al Sharpton is now chatting with the ladies and I can practically hear Elisabeth Hasselbeck grating her teeth / dying inside.

P.S. What about Mulan and the Little Mermaid? There are probably more that have yet to be released.